The new year is the perfect time to take a look at your life, make some changes, and start the year as you mean to go on. So, many of us set ourselves resolutions. And how long do they last? Well, in our experience, you’re lucky if they’re still in place after a week! Millions of us start out with positive intentions every year, only to fall back into old habits again and again. So, why are they so hard to keep? And surely there are more effective methods of ensuring we get what we want for 2008!

The 6 most common New Years Resolutions - which one's yours?

To stop eating chocolate
To give up smoking
To cut out alcohol
To exercise regularly
To get a new job
To lose weight

Resolutions don't work so what does?

The 6 most common resolutions and reasons why they don’t work:

Reason 1: Many of our resolutions are stated in the negative.
Why this doesn’t work is due to the unconscious mind, which is said to have an age of 5, 6 or 7 years old. The unconscious mind is like the ship, while the conscious mind is the captain – the conscious mind tells the unconscious mind what to do, and the unconscious mind does it. The unconscious mind needs clear orders to follow and generates habits. What's even more important is that the unconscious mind does not process negatives directly, so what is it hearing and turning into a habit? ‘My New Year’s resolution is to eat chocolate’!

Quick tip: Use positive affirmations instead of negatives. For example ‘I choose to eat healthy food instead of chocolate. I enjoy eating healthily’ – and do it! Replace the chocolate treat with a nutritious one, like dried fruit and nuts or fruity smoothies.

Reason 2: The feeling of ‘giving up’ makes us focus on the very thing that has been lost. Have you ever been on a restrictive diet, and developed a craving, even an obsession, for the very foods you've given up? You see them everywhere and think about them far more than before! Giving up smoking is like being on an anti-cigarette diet – you crave it more if you know you can’t have it. Like with the chocolate, the unconscious mind is focusing on the very thing you want to avoid. You’re almost waiting to give in, and prove that you can’t keep your resolution!

Quick tip: Change your language – rather than ‘I’m giving up smoking’, focus on what you’re gaining. Develop a phrase that suits you: ‘I’m a non-smoker’ or ‘I’m a healthy person who breathes in clean air’ for example. Combine this with positive visualisations of yourself feeling relaxed, enjoying good health and breathing in clean air, to make it more powerful. If smoking is a bigger issue, coaching can help you to release the unconscious associations (anchors) and limiting beliefs creating the compulsion to smoke.

Reason 3: Cutting out something you like creates a gap in your habits. What are you going to do instead? If you stop doing what you enjoy, chances are you’ll soon get fed up of this deprivation, and start it up again. Especially if you continue going to the same places with the same people, where you are anchored to the very thing you are trying to stop.

Quick tip: Create a new, positive habit to replace the old. For example, start a new  routine, such as going to dinner parties, visiting restaurants, or even going somewhere totally different like a health club! Non-alcoholic drinks don’t need to be the boring ‘driver’s coke’; for example, non-alcoholic cocktails can be more interesting than the usual varieties. If instead of alcohol you treat yourself to something you like which is healthy, this will soon become your new habit.
 

Reason 4: Many of the resolutions we set are shoulds not wants. January is the busiest time for gyms, with new members signing up and old members restarting their gym routines in earnest. Why do people set this as a New Year’s resolution? Often it’s because they feel guilty about what they’ve eaten, drunk or not done over the holiday period, and feel they should do something about it: ‘I suppose I must lose a few pounds…’. Ask whether it’s something they want to do, and most people will actually be shuddering at the thought of sweating it out on the treadmill. So, if we’re forcing ourselves to do something, rather than looking forward to it, it’s understandable that our motivation won’t last very long.

Quick tip: Choose a way of achieving your goal that fits your wants rather than shoulds. Regular exercise doesn't have to mean pumping iron at a gym. If you enjoy dancing, walking in the country or swimming, choose these instead. Or take the opportunity to do something new such as yoga or pilates, which strengthen the body and create a feel-good factor. If it’s the motivation to stick with it that’s lacking, regular coaching keeps you on track until you are achieving real benefits and no longer need encouragement.

Reason 5: Many people use negative ‘away-froms’ to push themselves into action. The Christmas break gives many people a chance to step away from the rat race and gain a different perspective on life. Having time for fun and relaxation makes many of us realise we’re not that happy at work, and dread the thought of going back to that boring or stressful job. So a new job sounds like a great move. Yet, after a few weeks of looking at adverts, and realising that other jobs look just as bad, most people resign themselves to what they had before.

Quick tip: If you really are serious about changing your job or career, you need to develop greater self-understanding and an action plan which is realistic and inspiring, to pull you towards the new, rather than away from the old. Think of your focus as being like a bungee rope – is it attached to the old and unwanted situation, constantly pulling you back, or is it springing you towards your new and desired life?

‘My New Year’s resolution is to lose weight’

Reason 6: Many people seek change because they feel bad about themselves in the present. The subtext of this resolution is ‘I’m unfit and overweight now’, creating a feeling of guilt and self-chastisement. Creating a greater negative feeling about yourself is likely to lead to feelings of hopelessness and low self-esteem, de-motivating you further.

Quick tip: Learn about your strengths and build upon these. Our goals and motivation coaching helps people to realise their strengths and use them to their advantage. What have you done already to move yourself towards greater fitness and health? What attributes do you have that will enable you to reach your ideal weight?


 

January, and the start of a brand new year, is still a great time to reassess your life and move forwards. There are two steps to effective and lasting change:

Unproductive emotions, painful memories and negative thoughts are like a bungee rope constantly pulling you back as you make progress towards what you want. Just like household clutter takes up space and prevents us from living in the environment we desire, emotional and mental baggage prevents us from creating a clear internal environment and bringing positive emotions into our lives.
How about de-cluttering your emotions? It’s amazing how many of us hold onto hurts, resentments, angers or negative associations, from things that happened to us many years ago.

If you think this has little impact on the rest of your life, look again! How many times do you see patterns reappearing in new relationships or situations?

Our coaching programmes often begin with Values and Beliefs coaching. Why? Without uncovering and changing negative projections, flawed beliefs, value conflicts and charged emotions, it becomes very difficult to move forwards. Goals won't be achieved if part of the unconscious mind believes they can’t be – so we need to eliminate these limitations!

To start you off on the process of de-cluttering, consider the following questions:

1. What are the 3 key problem thoughts, emotions or beliefs that are holding me back in life?

2. What am I gaining from holding onto them? (This may be a challenging question – persevere with it! All problems start as solutions, and there will be some benefits to holding onto them)

3. What will I lose by letting go of them?

4. What will I gain by letting go of them?

5. Am I 100% willing to let go? (If not, go back to question 2 and delve more deeply. If you still have difficulty letting go, you would benefit from going through this process with a coach, as you will have hidden reasons for holding on ... )

Well done! This process will give you greater insight, and are now ready to start on the second step:

New goals, not New Year’s resolutions. Goals are much more fluid and accommodating than resolutions. For example, ‘I will cut out alcohol’ is unforgiving. What happens at the next party? Will you have one drink and feel bad, or spend the evening fretting about sticking to your resolution? What about if you set a goal that went along the lines of ‘I will value my health by sticking to two alcoholic drinks per week for two months’, readjusted your beliefs around health and relationships, and a created a healthy living plan aligned to your individual motivation? You may get to the party and find you’re not in the slightest bit interested in that drink!

Rather than setting yourself up for failure, goals evolve and change in line with your situation and personal growth. Within coaching, a holistic view of your life is taken, including your values and beliefs, to ensure ecology: that the goal is appropriate for you. This makes goals more congruent, realistic and motivating at the same time. While you remain totally responsible for achieving your goal, your coach is there for support and readjustment, to help you to stay on track.

Write down your answers to the following questions to set yourself some powerful goals:

1. What do you want to achieve? State it in one sentence. Ensure it’s positive: ‘I will…’ rather than ‘I will not…’

2. Why do you want it? Again, state this in one sentence. Ensure your goal is only for you – not for anybody else. Would you still want it if your relationships were different? If not, it’s not really your goal

3. What specifically do you want? For example, if it is to do more exercise, what exercise, when and for how long?

4. How will you know when you’ve achieved it? What will happen?

5. How easy will it be on a scale of 1-10 (1 = very easy, 10 = very difficult)? Your goal needs to be between 5 and 8, so it’s motivating and achievable. If it isn’t, adjust it to suit you

6. What do you need to do to ensure it happens? Write down 3 actions

7. Who else needs to know? Tell at least one person, such as your coach, who will provide you with support and encouragement

8. When will you start? Take action within the next 24 hours

Do this process for no more than 3 goals, so as to retain focus and maximise your successes.

To ensure your success in 2009, sign up for a coaching programme with Get Coached. For a head start, book your FREE coaching strategy session NOW on 0845 226 0082 or email info@getcoached.co.uk

Get Coached operate a 30-day full satisfaction money-back guarantee.

Wishing you a very happy, healthy and successful 2009!

Love Joanne & Robert
 

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